take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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