I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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