dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
