doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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