I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
