U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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