Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize