I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
