she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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