also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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