The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
