her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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