he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
