just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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