I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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