I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
