dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
