I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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