Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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