shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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