Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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