Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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