so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
