Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
