I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
