Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
