Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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