The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
