Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
