I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize