she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
