This is not my ceiling
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
