i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize