Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
