You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
