he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
