Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
