Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
