I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
