After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
