Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
COCAINE IS GR8
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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