The best revenge is premature balding
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
