oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
