is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
