Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
