It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
