Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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