READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize