The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
