So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Found your dick twin last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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