Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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