Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
