He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
