Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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