What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
