How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
