I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
