I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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