Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How's work?
Spinning.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
