i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
