I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
