Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
