his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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