I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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