In the future we'll all be gay
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
