if you like me you must not know who I am
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
