he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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