Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
