my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
