Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
