you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
