my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
