Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
