You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
