were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
