God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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