I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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