coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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