Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize