were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize