Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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