hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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